The Internship (2013) or, Two Dopes at Google

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Two familiar comedy stars in jeans look lost in a Google-inspired blank page on this neat poster for Shawn Levy's The Internship

Two grown men, who work together for a company which now goes bankrupt, go searching for a new future for themselves through an internship at the search engine giant Google in Silicon Valley.

 

The Internship is written by co-writer/co-producer/co-star Vince Vaughn (The Break-Up (2006)) and Jared Stern (Mr. Popper's Penguins (2011)) and directed by co-producer/director Shawn Levy (Address Unknown (1997)).

Nothing much happen to the two men in their new situation, and none of them have anything in their lives of weight, interest or meaning to really pitch in with. This leaves the affair an empty experience, and as an attempt at office situation comedy, The Internship feels like the beginning of a very long TV-series, you absolutely would want to miss, more so than an actual movie. 

Vaughn and Owen Wilson (Marmaduke (2010)) play immature, mind-zapped, endlessly yapping idiots, and they are surrounded by caricature figures in Google land. You will be minimally amused by this stinker, which is also likely to make you tired of the likes of Rose Byrne (Annie (2014)), Max Minghella (Babylon (2022)) and Silicon Valley.

 

Related posts:

 

Shawn Levy: 2010 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED III]
2010 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED II]
2010 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED I]
2010 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess

Date Night (2010) - Carell and Fey bring out the big laugh guns 

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (2009) or, Museum Night: Sequel Time 

2006 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED III]

The Pink Panther (2006) - Martin's Sellers imitation is a trial to sit through

Night at the Museum (2006) - Levy and Stiller bring the family fun 

 

  

Watch a trailer for the film here

 

Cost: 58 mil. $

Box office: 93.4 mil. $

= Big flop (returned 1.61 times its cost)

[The Internship premiered 29 May (California) and runs 119 minutes. Vaughn got the idea for the film after seeing a 60 Minutes segment on working at Google. Shooting took place from July - September 2012 in Atlanta, Georgia and in California, including in San Francisco. The film opened #4, behind fellow new release The Purge and holdover hits Fast & Furious 6 and Now You See Me, to a 17.3 mil. $ first weekend in North America, where it left the top 5 in its 2nd weekend and grossed 44.6 mil. $ (47.8 % of the total gross). The 2nd and 3rd biggest markets were Australia with 7.1 mil. $ (7.6 %) and the UK with 5.3 mil. $ (5.7 %). The film also made more than 13.3 mil. $ on the North-American home video market alone. Levy returned with This Is Where I Leave You (2014). Vaughn returned in Delivery Man (2013); Wilson in Drunk History (2013, TV-series) and theatrically in Are You Here (2013). The Internship is rotten at 25 % at Rotten Tomatoes.]

What do you think of The Internship?

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009) - Gilliam's rambling mess

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An celestial array of surreal elements and many stars stand ready on this poster for Terry Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

In London a traveling group of weirdos attempt to entertain ungrateful, rude drunks from a wagon that includes the ancient Parnassus' imaginarium.

 

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is written by Charles McKeown (Brazil (1985)) and American-born British master filmmaker, co-writer/co-producer/director Terry Gilliam (Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)), whose 11th feature it is.

Despite a dragging beginning, this chaotic film flows out and becomes enormously testing to watch. This is less astonishing when considering that it is a Gilliam creation that was completed with three new stars cast in the lead, since the original suddenly passed away in real life, in a script that was already bonkers. (Heath Ledger (A Knight's Tale (2001)) died at age 28 from accidental prescription medication poisoning.) All involved do what they can, in ugly hair, beards and many layers of ugly costumes, often in ugly lighting, in ugly images, with many sequences also featuring ugly 'fantastical' CGI elements.

Ledger's Tony character, as a side note, is a man who is rescued from wanting to hang himself. Gilliam's messy procession is anything but uplifting. 

 

Related posts:

Terry Gilliam:  For No Good Reason (2012, documentary) or, Ralph Steadman, Artist (interview subject)

The Brothers Grimm (2005) - Gilliam's European misadventure sort-of entertains

1998 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess 

Top 10: Best drug-themed movies reviewed by Film Excess to date 

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998) - Depp's Thompson lives and breathes in Gilliam's outrageous, drug-fueled masterpiece

12 Monkeys (1995) or, What's the Time?

1991 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess 

The Fisher King (1991) - Gilliam and Co. win with unpredictable story with major heart and amazing Williams 

 

Watch a trailer for the film here

 

Cost: 30 mil. $

Box office: 64.3 mil. $

= Flop (returned 2.14 times its cost)

[The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus premiered 22 May (Cannes Film Festival, out of competition) and runs 123 minutes. 12 companies and support bodies were involved in the financing and production of the film. Shooting took place from December 2007 - April 2008, with a month-long hiatus due to the demise of Ledger, in British Columbia and in England, including in London. Gilliam engaged friends and colleagues of Ledger, Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell to all overtake the actor's part following his tragic death, and the three decided to donate their (unknown) salaries to Ledger's daughter Matilda. The film went about 5 mil. $ over budget. Co-producer William Vince also passed away prior to release. The sensation surrounding Ledger's death meant that the film reportedly made back its budget through presales before even getting released. It opened #20 to a 415k $ first weekend in 48 theaters in North America, where it peaked at #11 and in 607 theaters, grossing 7.6 mil. $ (11.8 % of the total gross). This was the film's 3rd biggest market. The biggest two were Italy with 11.1 mil. $ (17.3 %) and Japan with 6.5 mil. $ (10.1 %). The film was nominated for 2 Oscars, winning none: It lost Best Costume Design to The Young Victoria and Art Direction to Avatar. It was also nominated for 2 BAFTAs, a British Independent Film award and other honors. Roger Ebert gave it a 3/4 star review, translating to 3 notches over this one. The film reportedly additionally made in excess of 11.7 mil. $ on the North-American home video market alone. Gilliam returned with The Legend of Hallowdega (2010, short) and The Wholly Family (2011, short) and theatrically with The Zero Theorem (2013). This was Ledger's final film; Christopher Plummer (All the Money in the World (2017)) returned with voice performances in My Dog Tulip (2009) and 9 (2009) prior to his physical theatrical return in The Last Station (2009). The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is fresh at 64 % with a 6.0/10 critical average at Rotten Tomatoes.]

What do you think of The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus?

I Kill Giants (2017) - Dane debuts with balderdash B.O. disaster

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A girl wielding a huge weapon in front of a massive giant makes up this dramatic poster for Anders Walter's I Kill Giants

A small girl in a US coastal town rejects normal school life in favor of her hobby; hunting and killing in the forest along the ocean. - But does this curious interest cover over something else?

 

I Kill Giants is written by Joe Kelly (Monsuno (2011-12)), adapting his same-titled 2009 graphic novel co-created with Ken Nimura (Henshin (2015)), and directed by debuting Anders Walter (Helium (2013, short)).

A Monster Calls (2016) reminiscent story with an eternally supercilious, self-governing protagonist with a well-meaning, worried school councilor (Zoe Saldaña (Amsterdam (2022)) gives a dull sad-face performance), dumb brothers and a powerless bigger sister. An overly sweet new British schoolmate girl seems invented solely to get us closer to our little miss nonsense, who is given many a scene to elaborate her wacky nonsense universe. It is all gravely dull.

Humor, real suspense or dramatic development is missing in I Kill Giants. SPOILER The ending unsurprisingly shows that the fantastical elements are all self-invented in order for the girl to cope with her mother's cancer illness. She dies. The girl did not get to see her mother through her last time on earth due to her nonsense hunts in the wild. Nevertheless she thanks an imaginary giant in the film's last scene, wrapping up a story and film that is distant from actual reality and prone to hokum.

 

Related post:

 

Anders Walter: The day after ... The Oscars 2014

 

 

Watch a trailer for the film here

 

Cost: Estimated 15.1 mil. $

Box office: In excess of 369k $

= Box office disaster (returned 0.02 times its cost)

[I Kill Giants premiered 9 September (Toronto International Film Festival) and runs 106 minutes. 13 companies and support bodies collaborated in the financing and production of the film. Shooting took place from September 2016 - ? in Belgium, Ireland and New York. The film was released day-and-date (online and in a few theaters) in North America with the gross numbers remaining secret (but likely being tiny). The film's reported gross comes from 7 markets, which, along with Denmark, where it sold just under 2,000 tickets, comes to 369k $. The three biggest markets were Russia with 165k $ (44.1 %), the UAE with 85k $ (23 %) and Portugal with 40k $ (10.8 %). The-Numbers.com allege that the film additionally made more than 1.7 mil. $ on domestic home video sales. Walter returned with Når Befrielsen Kommer (2023). Madison Wolfe (Keanu (2016)) returned in Trafficked (2017); Saldaña in a voice performance, a short and a music video prior to her theatrical return in Avengers: Infinity War (2018); and Imogen Poots (The Father (2020) in Age Out (2018). I Kill Giants is certified fresh at 78 % with a 6.70/10 critical average at Rotten Tomatoes.]

What do you think of I Kill Giants?

Into the Sun (2005) - Seagal's career implodes in Tokyo-set turkey

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Clad in an almost foot-long, shiny, black leather coat, star Steven Seagal swaggers away from a fiery inferno on this poster for mink's Into the Sun

Travis Hunter is a former CIA agent with intimate knowledge of Japan, who gets busy when Tokyo's governor is murdered in muddled waters between the Japanese yakuza and Chinese triad gangsters.

Into the Sun is written by Joe Halpin (Dark Blue (2010, TV-series)), Trevor Miller (Riot on Redchurch Street (2012)) and co-writer/co-producer/star Steven Seagal (Absolution (2015)) and directed by mink (Full Clip (2004)).

Among the worst of Seagal's features, Into the Sun is involuntarily funny in its best moments but more often insufferably dumb and boring. Despite a not inconsiderable budget, the film is poorly produced and looks like an ugly TV movie. 

Most will give up fast, when it comes to making any sense of the demonstratively insipid material, - one preposterous line has Seagal's Hunter threatening to kill a bully again, if he dies! - And in the obligatory romantic side story Seagal proposes to his Japanese girlfriend in a cherry tree garden, with the young woman weepingly accepting! This scene, by the way, marks the film's romantic highlight, - a romance in which he speaks English, while she speaks Japanese. (...) Later swords and blood splattering is introduced.

 

Watch a trailer for the film here

 

Cost: 16 mil. $

Box office: In excess of 175k $ (2/4 markets)

= Box office disaster (projected return of 0.01 times its cost)

[Into the Sun was released 20 May (South Korea) and runs 96 minutes. Shooting took place from March - May 2004 in Bangkok, Thailand and Tokyo, Japan. The film's North American release was canceled and the film was instead released straight-to-DVD in all markets except for 4: South Korea, Italy, Japan and Egypt. It made 164k $ in Japan and 10k $ in Egypt. A projected total gross of 290k $ would rank the film a box office disaster. mink returned only with a video and a TV-series credit, never again directing a feature. Seagal returned in 9 video titles prior to his theatrical return in the role of 'Cock Puncher' in The Onion Movie (2008). 8.2k+ IMDb users have given Into the Sun a 4.3/10 average rating.]

What do you think of Into the Sun?

I, Frankenstein (2014) - Monster nonsense, thick and bland

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A doom-ish landscape invites on this poster for Stuart Beattie's I, Frankenstein

Frankenstein's monster has survived for more than 200 years up until today, where the scientists around an old man get near to mastering the resurrection technology again, and thus a battle between creatures breaks out.

 

I, Frankenstein is written and directed by Stuart Beattie (Tomorrow, When the War Began (2010)), adapting the digital-only graphic novel I, Frankenstein Genesis (2013) by Kevin Grevioux (Wetworks Mutations (2010)). 

Fantasy fiction as a genre is open to being far out, - but it can also be compelling, if the presented universe is persuasive. I, Frankenstein is regrettably only utterly ridiculous nonsense, and the only thing it has in common with Mary Shelley's 1818 masterpiece Frankenstein is her title character, which it steals without crediting her.

Aaron Eckhart (Midway (2019)) looks resolute in the title part, but that he is supposedly 200+ years old and made of various severed body parts is only revealed through a scar on his face, - which carries through down his pumped up, muscly chest and abdomen... The modern, blond scientist woman (Yvonne Strahovski (The Tomorrow War (2021))) refers to Dr. Frankenstein as if he was a recently passed colleague; while Bill Nighy (Living (2022)) as the film's villain attempts to find new ways of spewing dialog in vicious manners, reminding us of his work in other fantasy films, among them the related Underworld series (2003; 2006; 2009; 2012; 2016), also co-created by Grevioux. Miranda Otto (Downhill (2020)) is a gargoyle queen with attractive male gargoyles Jai Courtney (Jolt (2021)), Chris Pang (Charlie's Angels (2019)) and others, (regrettably none of them take their clothes off.)

The plot also includes blasphemous baloney such as that Satan comes from heaven, and that there is an eternal and holy war between demons and gargoyles. 

This is tiring, very dark and self-congratulatory junk, however in short moments amusing junk, and if you are able to switch your brain very thoroughly off, some of the animated, made-for-3D fight scenes are mildly entertaining. But taken as a film, I, Frankenstein is another example of how comics-based offal litters the silver screens. 

And, by the way, what city are we in in I, Frankenstein? It is filled with ancient buildings, many of them Gothic, including one enormous, Gothic church? Melbourne, Australia? That's where it was shot :-D

 

Related posts:

 

Stuart Beattie: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) - Sommers tries to fire up Hasbro's second, less interesting movie venture (co-writer)

Derailed (2005) - Håfström's pointless romance thriller (writer) 

 

Watch a trailer for the movie here

 

Cost: 65 mil. $

Box office: 76.8 mil. $

= Big flop (returned 1.18 times its cost)

[I, Frankenstein premiered 20 January (Buenos Aires, Argentina) and runs 92 minutes. Shooting took place in Argentina and Melbourne, Australia. The film opened #6 to an 8.6 mil. $ first weekend in North America, where it grossed 19 mil. $ (24.7 % of the total gross). The 2nd and 3rd biggest markets were Russia with 11.3 mil. $ (14.7 %) and China with 7.5 mil. $ (9.8 %). Beattie has not returned as a director since the film; instead he has turned to producing and especially writing. Eckhart returned in My All-American (2015). I, Frankenstein is rotten at 5 % with a 3.40/10 critical average at Rotten Tomatoes.]

 

What do you think of I, Frankenstein?

Ishtar (1987) - May and Beatty's infamous Saharan stinker

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Two Bedouins are dragging something by a rope in the desert on this poster for Elaine May's Ishtar

Two middle-aged, unpersuasive singer/songwriters are looking for their big break-through, and they figure that they will find it in ... Ishtar, Morocco.

 

Ishtar is written and directed by Elaine May (A New Leaf (1971)).

You will need to read about this production to comprehend just why we have this thoroughly odd, deeply failed film before us. Ishtar works best at its outset, in which some may find a bit of amusement in the casting of Dustin Hoffman (John and Mary (1969)) as a great ladies' man and Warren Beatty (Heaven Can Wait (1978)) as the admiring dullard second banana. The whole adventure to the Middle East is attempted sauced into an archaic, painfully old-fashion 'charm', while Isabelle Adjani (Peter von Kant (2022)) performs in an awkward, strange role, and the two male stars yell and generally make asses of themselves among strangers in a strange land in scene after scene, all consisting of unfunny material.

Ishtar is enormously poorly executed, a head-shaking waste of resources. It is also a film that will forever remind us just how low and how deep Hoffman and Beatty are able to fall. The lesson of Ishtar? Don't put together a movie out of bad conscience for a woman (or for any person probably) with dubious abilities as a filmmaker. Some people, mostly in some way connected to its stars and other involved talents, have 're-evaluated' Ishtar and celebrated it, but these opinions are merely transparent attempts to please the still highly respected veterans in the miserable affair.

 

Related post:

 

Elaine May: Primary Colors (1998) - Nichols' bloated political caricature bomb (writer)

 

  

Watch a trailer for the film here

 

Cost: 51 mil. $

Box office: 14.3 mil. $ (North America only)

= Mega-flop (projected return of 0.39 times its cost)

[Ishtar was released 15 March (North America) and runs 107 minutes. Beatty put the film together, talking Hoffman, his own girlfriend Adjani and the studio into doing it because he felt indebted to May for helping write some of his recent hit films, and the idea for the film came from her. Beatty and Hoffman reportedly received 5.5 mil. $ and May 1.5 mil. $ for their labor prior to production, with Beatty and Hoffman receiving another 500k $ by its completion, so that 12.5 mil. $ were spent on the three before the production began. Budgeted at 27.5 mil. $, the film would wind up going 23 mil. $ over-budget. Against the studio's wishes, production was allowed in Morocco in the Sahara Desert due to its parent company Coca Cola having funds locked there that could then be used for the production. Shooting took place from October 1985 - March 1986 in Morocco, including Marrakesh, and in New York. May's direction and detail-orientation led to fights with her cinematographer and Beatty , which made the shoot prolonged and costs rise alarmingly. When the shoot returned to New York, Beatty confessed to Columbia's CEO that May could not direct but refused firing her due to his image as a supporter of women's rights. The solution became that every scene be subsequently shot twice; in May's way and then in Beatty's way, involving further cost overruns. Fights persisted during editing of the enormous amount of film shot, as the film's Christmas release became impossible. Despite the many signs that the film would bomb the studio released it with copious marketing to the tune of (another) 20 mil. $. The film opened #1 to a 4.3 mil. $ first weekend in North America, where it spent another 2 weekends in the top 5 (#4-#4), grossing 14.3 mil. $. The film's international numbers are regrettably kept hidden, but the film did sell 40k tickets in the small country Denmark, grossing around 320k $ there. A conservative estimation of the final gross may be 20 mil. $. Roger Ebert gave the film a 0.5/4 star review, equal in rating to this one. May never returned to directing, turning more to writing and acting. Beatty returned in Dick Tracy (1990); Hoffman in Rain Man (1988); and Adjani in Camille Claudel (1988). Ishtar is rotten at 40 % with a 4.60/10 critical average at Rotten Tomatoes.]

 

What do you think of Ishtar? 

Inferno (2016) - Howard's third Langdon adventure is among the year's worst films

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+ Worst Movie of the Year

 

Star Tom Hanks and co-star Felicity Jones run around in a European city and look concerned on this poster for Ron Howard's Inferno

Robert Langdon awakes disillusioned and tormented by visions of Biblical plagues in Florence, Italy, where a young British woman helps him gather answers concerning a mysterious virus that he may be a carrier of.

 

Inferno is written by David Koepp (Premium Rush (2012)), adapting the same-titled 2013 novel by Dan Brown (Angels & Demons (2000)), and directed by great Oklahoman filmmaker Ron Howard (Grand Theft Auto (1977)). It is the 3rd and last in the Robert Langdon series also consisting of The Da Vinci Code (2006) and Angels & Demons (2009).

Koepp has provided a lazy and wretched script, maybe the low-point of his career, and this film may actually be the career low-point for several of those involved. Inferno is related in what feels like a barrage of speedily edited, flashing shots that implies actual knowledge by throwing Dante and beautiful historical sights into its nonsensical plot. Confusing, boring and marked by mitigating work from no-one, the film never finds a good pace and has inserted, dull, explanatory dialogs again and again.

Tom Hanks (The Post (2017)) appears to be in pain and also resembles a superstar who knows he is in some real junk here, but who goes through with it still - for a hefty paycheck, and a bit of loyalty to his fellow returning filmmaking partners in crime, probably. The other cast members often combat stilted dialog, and Felicity Jones (A Monster Calls (2016)), just as in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), doesn't show what exactly made her get cast in these mega-movies, (her career understandably fizzed out following both films.)

 

Related posts:

 

Ron Howard: Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) - Disney, Howard and Co. drive expensive stick through beloved franchise 

2016 in films - according to Film Excess [UPDATED III]

Corman's World: Exploits of a Hollywood Rebel (2011) - Stapleton's Corman doc. is among the year's best films (interview subject)

2008 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED III] 

2008 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED II] 
2008 in films - according to Film Excess [UPDATED I]
2008 in films - according to Film Excess
Frost/Nixon (2008) - Howard's political drama is gripping, superiorly acted 
The Da Vinci Code (2006) - Howard's first Brown adaptation is a popcorn thriller hoot  

2001 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess 
Top 10: The best biopic movies reviewed by Film Excess to date 
A Beautiful Mind (2001) - John Nash given the Epic Treatment  
EDtv (1999) - Phenomenal cast shine in Howard's witty mega-flop

Far and Away (1992) - Howard, Hollywood's sweethearts visit the old West with dull result (co-writer/director) 
Backdraft (1991) - Howard's giant, stupid Chicago-set firefighter movie 

Grand Theft Auto (1977) or, Crash Bam Boom! 
American Graffiti (1973) or, Cruisin' Modesto '62 (actor)   

 

 

Watch a trailer for the film here

 

Cost: 75 mil. $

Box office: 220 mil. $

= Box office success (returned 2.93 times its cost)

[Inferno premiered 8 October (Florence, Italy) and runs 121 minutes. Hanks reportedly earned 25 mil. $ from his performance in the film. Shooting took place from April - July 2015 in Istanbul, Turkey, Italy and Hungary, including in Budapest. The film opened #2, behind Boo! A Madea Halloween, to a 14.8 mil. $ first weekend in North America, where it spent one more weekend in the top 5 (#5), grossing 34.3 mil. $ (15.6 % of the total gross). The 2nd and 3rd biggest markets were China with 19.3 mil. $ (8.8 %) and Japan with 14.4 mil. $ (6.5 %). Howard returned with Genius (2017, TV-series) and theatrically with Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018). Hanks returned in The Circle (2017). Inferno is rotten at 23 % with a 4.60/10 critical average at Rotten Tomatoes.]

 

What do you think of Inferno? 

The Italian Job (1969) - Braindead boilerplate heist action-comedy regurgitated by swinging London

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A woman's backside used as a canvas for writing a map, seated on the floor next to an expensively dressed co-star Michael Caine holding a tommy-gun, makes up this eye-catching poster for Peter Collinson's The Italian Job

When a criminal bigshot dies in an accidental explosion, our recently released hero inherits a scheme to steal 4 mil. $ in gold from a money transport in Turin, Italy. The job will require a lot of manpower and four Mini Coopers.

 

The Italian Job is written by Troy Kennedy Martin (The Sweeney (1975-78)) and directed by Peter Collinson (The Penthouse (1967)).

It is a colorful picture in which Michael Caine (Jaws: The Revenge (1987)) plays the thief that no one can resist. Perhaps as a consequence, no other character really make an impression. The film is a sort of trendy, triumphant dance for the swinging London of the 1960s. But it is totally hollow, dumb, - idiotic, in fact. With a terrible ending to boot.

 

Related post:

 

The Italian Job (2003) - Gray impresses with slick heist remake (remake)

 

 

Watch a trailer for the film here

 

Cost: 3 mil. $

Box office: 9.4 mil. $

=  Box office success (returned 3.13 times its cost)

[The Italian Job premiered 5 June (London) and runs 99 minutes. Noël Coward (Paris When It Sizzles (1964)) was paid 25k £ for his performance in the film. Shooting took place from June 1968 - ? in Ireland, including in Dublin, in England, including in London, and in Italy. The film was the 14th highest-grossing of the year in the UK and reportedly not big in North America. It did collect a sizable 9.4 mil. $ gross and was nominated for a Golden Globe. The film was remade with the same title in 2003, and in Bollywood in 2012 with the title Players. Collinson returned with You Can't Win 'Em All (1970). Caine returned in Battle of Britain (1969); Coward retired from acting after the film and continued as a writer until his death by a heart attack in 1973. The Italian Job is fresh at 81 % with a 7.40/10 critical average at Rotten Tomatoes.]

 

What do you think of The Italian Job? 

The Ice Pirates (1984) - MGM chaos results in space nonsense

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Several merits of Stewart Raffill's The Ice Pirates are pointed out in tiny lettering on this teen-targeting poster for it

A 'space pirate' knocks out a farting alien.

 

The Ice Pirates is written by Stanford Sherman (Shalimar (1978)) and co-writer/director Stewart Raffill (The Tender Warrior (1971)).

The purple outline above gives a sense of the small and bewildering plot of The Ice Pirates, which is hard to recount as something that makes sense, (probably because it doesn't), but which also includes such elements as a factory that castrates men, an evil, fat dictator who is surrounded by women in bikinis, a beheading, (and the head then tickled under his nose with a feather.) Also a sort of sex scene with the line spoken; "It's so stiff. Your belt I mean". 

Popular sci-fi originals Mad Max (1979), Alien (1979) and Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977) are here attempted copied in a haphazard way without much in the way of ideas or skills involved, and the result is the (colorful, sure, but little else) disaster that is The Ice Pirates. 

 

 

Watch a trailer for the film here

 

Cost: 9 mil. $

Box office: 14.2 mil. $ (North America alone); projected 19.2 mil. $ total gross

= Uncertain but likely a flop (projected return of 2.13 times its cost)

[The Ice Pirates was released 16 March (USA) and runs 91 minutes. It was reportedly envisioned first as a serious sci-fi movie with a 20 mil. $ budget. The indebted studio lowered this to 8 mil. $ (apparently it went over-budget by a million), and it was turned into a sci-fi comedy. Shooting took place around March 1983 in California, including in Los Angeles. The film opened #3, behind holdover hits Splash and Footloose, to a 4.3 mil. $ first weekend in North America, where it spent one more weekend in the top 5 (#4), grossing 14.2 mil. $. Its performance in a small list of foreign markets that only counts West Germany, Spain and Australia is not listed online and may likely have been limited, perhaps to 5 mil. $, which would result in a total gross of 19.2 mil. $, which would make the film a flop. Raffill returned with The Philadelphia Experiment (1984). Robert Urich (Clover Bend (2002)) returned in 4 TV credits prior to his theatrical return in Turk 182 (1985); Mary Crosby (Queen of the Lot (2010)) in 12 TV credits prior to her theatrical return in Johann Strauss: The King Without a Crown/Johann Strauss - Der König ohne Krone (1987). The Ice Pirates is rotten at 17 % with a 4.50/10 critical average at Rotten Tomatoes.]

 

What do you think of The Ice Pirates? 

Halloween Ends (2022) or, Halloween Snores

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The central two characters of the decades-long franchise stand back-to-back in a fiery darkness on this poster for David Gordon Green's Halloween Ends

Michael Myers and Laurie Strode' decades-long bloody battle in Haddonfield, Illinois finally reaches its conclusion.

 

Halloween Ends is written by Chris Bernier (The House: A Hulu Halloween Anthology (2017, miniseries)), Paul Brad Logan (Manglehorn (2014)), Danny McBride (Your Highness (2011)) and Arkansan master filmmaker, co-writer/director David Gordon Green (George Washington (2000)), whose 15th feature it is. It is the 3rd and last in Green's Halloween trilogy (2018; 2021) and the 13th in the Halloween franchise overall.

The film opens strongly with a pre-title sequence about a young engineer student, who accidentally kills the boy that he is babysitting. The title animation, credits and accompanying, exploding jack-o-lanterns are rad. But the film that follows is an immovable, deeply uninteresting turkey:

It turns out that the guy from the pre-title sequence is to be followed throughout Halloween Ends, despite his being extremely uninteresting. No other characters spark interest or tension, and that leaves one mentally snoring all the way to the picture's overly brutal ending. SPOILER Who wants to see an aging woman get beaten up and then stabbing the perp, her also senior citizen-aged brother, again and again?

 

Related posts:

 

Halloween franchise: Halloween (2018) - Great-looking mayhem

Halloween (2007) - Zombie's remake is a bloody stinker  

Halloween: Resurrection (2002) - Myers returns to turkeyville 

Halloween H20/Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998) - Myers spreads fresh terror in Miner's fine sequel 

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989) - Precious few cuts from rock bottom 

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988) - Myers returns for dull slasher 

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982) - Evil masks ravage in Wallace's under-appreciated horror 

Halloween (1978) - Carpenter's haunting slasher classic

David Gordon Green: Halloween (2018) - Great-looking mayhem 

2011 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED III] 
2011 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED II]
2011 in films - according to Film Excess

The Sitter (2011) - Green and Hill's inappropriate babysitter movie is a crude hoot 

Your Highness (2011) - Green's dismissed, golden stoner/raunch adventure comedy

2008 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED III] 

Pineapple Express (2008) - Funny people incite laughs in ludicrous stoner comedy

George Washington (2000) - Green's evocative North Carolina youth debut masterpiece 

 

 

Watch a trailer for the movie here

 

Cost: 33 mil. $

Box office: 104.3 mil. $

= Box office success (returned 3.16 times its cost)

[Halloween Ends premiered 6 October (Sitges Film Festival, Spain) and runs 111 minutes. Jamie Lee Curtis (Halloween (1978)) was paid 3.5 mil. $ for her performance in the film. Shooting took place from January - June 2022 in Georgia and Utah. The film opened #1 to a 40 mil. $ first weekend in North America, where it spent 2 more weekends in the top 5 (#4-#5), grossing 64 mil. $ (61.4 % of the total gross). The 2nd and 3rd biggest markets were the UK with 5.4 mil. $ (5.2 %) and Mexico with 5.3 mil. $ (5.1 %). Green returned with The Righteous Gemstones (2019-22) and theatrically with The Exorcist: Believer (2023). Curtis returned in The Bear (2023, TV-series) and theatrically in Haunted Mansion (2023). Halloween Ends is rotten at 40 % with a 5.10/10 critical average at Rotten Tomatoes.]

 

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