10,000 BC (2008) - Emmerich's mammoth turkey

♥

+ 3rd Worst Movie of the Year
+ Most Undeserved Hit of the Year

A man perched on a cliff against a sabre-toothed tiger near a couple of pyramids under construction makes up this dramatic poster for Roland Emmerich's 10,000 BC

A nomadic tribe centered around hunting mammoths head out on a perilous journey.

10,000 BC is written by Harald Kloser (2012 (2009)) and Roland Emmerich (Universal Soldier (1992)) as one of the relatively few films that take place long before historic time, (historic time being defined as the period that we have written historic records from.)
The film first tries to capture us with a mammoth hunt, which only succeeds partially: It is often evident that the actors play in front of a green screen and are only in post production pitched against grand landscapes. Similarly the prehistoric animals, - and in particular the enormous sabre-toothed tiger that comes along later on, - are not convincing enough.
10,000 BC made me long for Mel Gibson's pre-Columbus' North-American arrival masterpiece Apocalypto (2006) and the lesser but still much better neanderthal adventure The Clan of the Cave Bear (1986), because Emmerich's action adventure in contrast lacks even the shade of an exciting story. None of the characters really spring to life either, and boredom allows us as audiences time to reflect on their eclectic racial mix and how they rapidly move from mammoth-strewn ice country to bamboo jungle to what we must take to be Egypt, mostly by foot...
Meanwhile Kloser and Thomas Wanker's (Dresden (2006, TV movie)) grandiose score pounds away and clearly tells us that we are meant to take the improbable, humor-bereft junk that is 10,000 BC seriously. This is one mammoth stinker.

Related posts:

Roland Emmerich: White House Down (2013) or, Duck, Mr. President!
2009 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED I]    
2012 (2009) or, Giant Mega-Stupid Movie!

2008 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED III] 

2008 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED II] 
2008 in films - according to Film Excess [UPDATED I]
2008 in films - according to Film Excess 
Mentioned movie: Apocalypto (2006) or, Journey to An Extinct World

Watch a trailer for the film here

Cost: 105 mil. $
Box office: 269.8 mil. $
= Box office success
[10,000 BC premiered 22 February (Tokyo, Japan) and runs 109 minutes. Columbia Pictures and Sony dropped the project due to a "busy release calender", and Warner Bros. picked it up. Star actors, visual effects details and using ancient languages were skipped for budget reasons, and to make the production easier. Shooting took place in New Zealand, Namibia, South Africa and Thailand from April 2006 - ?. The film opened #1 to a strong 35.8 mil. $ first weekend in North America, where it spent two more weeks in the top 5 (#2-#5) and grossed 94.7 mil. $ (35.1 % of the total gross). The 2nd and 3rd biggest markets were Mexico with 17.2 mil. $ (6.4 %) and Spain with 13.1 mil. $ (4.9 %). Emmerich returned with another bona fide tentpole turkey, disaster epic 2012 (2009). 10,000 BC is rotten at 8 % with a 3.2 critical average at Rotten Tomatoes.]

What do you think of 10,000 BC?

2012 (2009) or, Giant Mega-Stupid Movie!

♥

+ 3rd Worst Movie of the Year

A Tibetan monk looks on as an ocean suddenly engorges the Himalayan mountain peaks on this poster for Roland Emmerich's 2012

The Mayan Indians had figured it out centuries ago: Atypical solar activity makes 2012 a fateful year for planet Earth, which reacts with earthquakes, volcano eruptions and monstrous floods.

2012 has one thing going for it and one thing only: Insane CGI effects, SPOILER as when lead John Cusack's (The Paperboy (2012)) limo drives through a disintegrating Los Angeles... As incredible as this is to stare at is the ridiculous, trite and just plain stupid plot around it, which consists of inordinate amounts of screaming, wailing and obscurities.
Danny Glover (Dirty Grandpa (2016)) is the US president who wants to die. Oliver Platt (Chicago P.D. (2015-16)) is a villain because he wants to live... Chiwetel Ejifor (The Martian (2015)) has the film's perhaps dumbest role as an idealistic geologist. 2012 is just too asinine.
It is written by Harald Kloser (White House Down (2013)) and co-writer-director Roland Emmerich (Stargate (1994)).

Related posts:

Roland Emmerich: White House Down (2013) or, Duck, Mr. President!

2009 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED IV]
2009 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED III]
2009 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED II]
2009 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED I]  

Watch a trailer for the film here

Cost: 200 mil. $
Box office: 769.6 mil. $
= Big hit
[2012 premiered 11 November (9 countries) and runs 158 minutes. Emmerich has said about it that he "always wanted to do a Biblical flood movie." The 2012 doomsday theory that the film propagates is a Western concept, which draws from the Mayans and their talent for astronomy. The Mayans did not actually think the world would end in 2012. Filming took place in Las Vegas, Nevada, Los Angeles, California and in British Columbia, Canada, including in Vancouver, from July - October 2008. The film's marketing made use of a polemic Internet campaign that made people think that the world was actually going to end soon. The film opened #1 to a 65.2 mil. $ first weekend in North America, where it stayed in the top 5 for another two weeks (both at #3) and grossed 166.2 mil. $ (21.6 % of the total gross). Luckily for the filmmakers, the rest of the world were more thrilled; the film's 2nd and 3rd biggest markets were China with 68.6 mil. $ (8.9 %) and France with 44 mil. $ (5.7 %). It was the 5th highest-grossing film of the year and Emmerich's second highest-grossing film, after Independence Day (1996). Roger Ebert gave it 3½/4 stars, completely opposite this review. The film was banned in North Korea, where 2012 was going to be an anniversary for the nation's founder, and several people were arrested for possessing or viewing the film there. Plans for a TV spin-off were eventually canceled. Emmerich returned with the William Shakespeare conspiracy theory movie Anonymous (2011). 2012 is rotten at 39% with a 5/10 critical average at Rotten Tomatoes.]

What do you think of 2012?