2012 (2009) or, Giant Mega-Stupid Movie!

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+ 3rd Worst Movie of the Year

A Tibetan monk looks on as an ocean suddenly engorges the Himalayan mountain peaks on this poster for Roland Emmerich's 2012

The Mayan Indians had figured it out centuries ago: Atypical solar activity makes 2012 a fateful year for planet Earth, which reacts with earthquakes, volcano eruptions and monstrous floods.

2012 has one thing going for it and one thing only: Insane CGI effects, SPOILER as when lead John Cusack's (The Paperboy (2012)) limo drives through a disintegrating Los Angeles... As incredible as this is to stare at is the ridiculous, trite and just plain stupid plot around it, which consists of inordinate amounts of screaming, wailing and obscurities.
Danny Glover (Dirty Grandpa (2016)) is the US president who wants to die. Oliver Platt (Chicago P.D. (2015-16)) is a villain because he wants to live... Chiwetel Ejifor (The Martian (2015)) has the film's perhaps dumbest role as an idealistic geologist. 2012 is just too asinine.
It is written by Harald Kloser (White House Down (2013)) and co-writer-director Roland Emmerich (Stargate (1994)).

Related posts:

Roland Emmerich: White House Down (2013) or, Duck, Mr. President!

2009 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED IV]
2009 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED III]
2009 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED II]
2009 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED I]  

Watch a trailer for the film here

Cost: 200 mil. $
Box office: 769.6 mil. $
= Big hit
[2012 premiered 11 November (9 countries) and runs 158 minutes. Emmerich has said about it that he "always wanted to do a Biblical flood movie." The 2012 doomsday theory that the film propagates is a Western concept, which draws from the Mayans and their talent for astronomy. The Mayans did not actually think the world would end in 2012. Filming took place in Las Vegas, Nevada, Los Angeles, California and in British Columbia, Canada, including in Vancouver, from July - October 2008. The film's marketing made use of a polemic Internet campaign that made people think that the world was actually going to end soon. The film opened #1 to a 65.2 mil. $ first weekend in North America, where it stayed in the top 5 for another two weeks (both at #3) and grossed 166.2 mil. $ (21.6 % of the total gross). Luckily for the filmmakers, the rest of the world were more thrilled; the film's 2nd and 3rd biggest markets were China with 68.6 mil. $ (8.9 %) and France with 44 mil. $ (5.7 %). It was the 5th highest-grossing film of the year and Emmerich's second highest-grossing film, after Independence Day (1996). Roger Ebert gave it 3½/4 stars, completely opposite this review. The film was banned in North Korea, where 2012 was going to be an anniversary for the nation's founder, and several people were arrested for possessing or viewing the film there. Plans for a TV spin-off were eventually canceled. Emmerich returned with the William Shakespeare conspiracy theory movie Anonymous (2011). 2012 is rotten at 39% with a 5/10 critical average at Rotten Tomatoes.]

What do you think of 2012?

Inglourious Basterds (2009) - The Movies take revenge on Nazi scum

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The stars stand out on the stylish poster for Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds

A group of Jewish American soldiers known as the Basterds and a Jewish French cinema owner, who has had her family obliterated by the Nazis, join forces to blow up her cinema at the night when it will contain Hitler, Goebbels and more top Nazi leaders.

Inglourious Basterds is the 8th feature from Tennessean master writer-director Quentin Tarantino (Pulp Fiction (1994)). It is his first major film, (that is, not counting his first, My Best Friend's Birthday (1987), which I have yet to see), which I at first viewing thought was a bad movie. On second viewing I have revised this opinion some, though I still can't profess to really like this war dramedy exploitation escapade that puts a fictional end to the Nazis of WWII, and I will definitely still call it overrated.
Brad Pitt (Babel (2006)) is good as Basterd leader, lieutenant Aldo Raine, and he is featured in most of the film's funny moments. The title of the film is a reference to Enzo G. Castellari's The Inglorious Bastards/Quel Maledetto Treno Blindato (1978), but Inglourious Basterds is not a remake of the latter film, and the strange title, which deliberately contains two spelling mistakes (an extra u in inglorious and an e instead of an a in bastards) may be a way of setting the newer film aside from Castellari's, or of securing it against any copyright liability in connection with the older film.
Inglourious Basterds has some good ideas in it but is terribly overlong and demonstratively pompous. Christoph Waltz (Our God's Brother (1997)) won his first Oscar for his energetic, endlessly aggravating performance as psychopath pedant colonel Hans Landa. Co-starring actor-filmmaker Eli Roth (Rock of Ages (2012)) directed the Nation's Pride propaganda film in Inglourious Basterds.
Tarantino's wrestling with WWII is opulent, enjoyable, bloated and tense.

Related posts:

Quentin Tarantino: 2012 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED III]
2012 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED II]
Django Unchained (2012) - Tarantino's gutsy, colorful 'Southern' 
Top 10: Best car chases in movies reviewed by Film Excess to date 
Death Proof (2007) - Tarantino's awesome, rubber-burning Grindhouse homage 
Desperado (1995) - Rodriguez' second Mexico actioner is a sexy, latino fireball (actor) 

Watch a trailer for the film here

Cost: 70 mil. $
Box office: 321.4 mil. $
= Big hit
[Inglourious Basterds premiered 20 May (Cannes) and runs 153 minutes. Tarantino wrote the first script in 1998 but struggled with the film's ending and made Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003) and Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004), Death Proof (2007) and other smaller projects in the meantime, believing that Inglourious Basterds would be a masterpiece. Casting the previously widely unknown Austrian-German actor Waltz, Tarantino has said, "gave me my movie." Shooting took place from October 2008 - February 2009 in Paris, France and in Germany, including in Brandenburg's Studio Babelsberg. SPOILER Tarantino has stated that he used his own hands in the scene where Diane Kruger (Mr. Nobody (2009)) gets strangled. The final draft script for the film was leaked online prior to the film's release. Promotion of the film in Germany required digitally altering posters to remove the swastikas, which are illegal to flaunt in public but allowed in works of art such as in the film itself. The film opened #1 to a 38 mil. $ first weekend in North America, Tarantino's best opening up to that point. It spent 5 consecutive weeks in the top 5 (#1-#2-#2-#2-#3) there and grossed 120.5 mil. $ (37.5 % of the total gross). The film also did terrific business abroad; its 2nd and 3rd biggest markets were France with 24.9 mil. $ (7.7 %) and Germany with 23.5 mil. $ (7.3 %). It became Tarantino's highest-grossing film until beaten by his next, Django Unchained (2012). Roger Ebert gave the film a 4/4 star rating, translating to two notches higher than this review. The film was nominated for 8 Oscars, winning one for Waltz as Best Supporting Actor. It lost Best Picture, Director, Screenplay, Sound Mixing, Editing and Sound Editing to Kathryn Bigelow's The Hurt Locker and Cinematography to James Cameron's masterpiece Avatar. It was also nominated for 4 Golden Globes, winning one, 6 BAFTAs, winning one; it won Waltz the Best Actor award in Cannes, a David di Donatello award, was one of National Board of Review's Top 10 Films of the Year, along with many other awards and honors. Inglourious Basterds is certified fresh at 89 % with a 7.8 critical average at Rotten Tomatoes.]

What do you think of Inglourious Basterds?

The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared/Hundraåringen Som Klev Ut Genom Fönstret och Försvann (2013) - One of the year's funniest films is this Swedish adaptation

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+ Best Swedish Movie of the Year

The original Swedish poster for Felix Herngren's The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared

Allan does not want to celebrate his centennial birthday as a nursing home resident and therefore escapes out of his window to evade the pending 'festivities'. On his escape he happens to steal a suitcase, and a new adventure begins in his eventful life.

The Hundred-Year-Old is a highly enjoyable tall tale, which is an adaptation of the same-titled 2009 bestseller by Jonas Jonasson (The Girl Who Saved the King of Sweden/Analfabeten Som Kunde Räkna (2012)). Co-writer-director Felix Herngren (Every Other Week/Varannan Vecka (2006)) and Hans Ingemansson (Every Other Week) have done a first-rate job of adapting the book. - As someone who has read the book, I can attest that their film might actually be better than the book.
Gallows humor, absurdism and even subtle stings to the state of affairs in contemporary Sweden are served in a lavish production with a high  pace and good performances across the board: Especially Robert Gustafsson (Four Shades of Brown/Fyra Nyanser av Brunt (2004)) is, incredible as it may seem, very good as the titular hero, who was 52 years older than him at the time of shooting! Several of the other actors are also terrific.
The Hundred-Year-Old is a super fun, festive gunpowder-fueled blast. Hooray!

Related posts:

2013 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED VI]
2013 in films - according to Film Excess [UPDATED V]
2013 in films - according to Film Excess [UPDATED IV]
2013 in films - according to Film Excess [UPDATED III]
2013 in films - according to Film Excess [UPDATED II]

Watch the trailer with English subtitles here

Cost: 9.1 mil. $
Box office: 50 mil. $
= Big hit
[The film opened at Christmas in Sweden, where it came off to a great start; after nearly 6 months, 1.565 mil. Swedes had paid admission, making it the 6th most seen Swedish film in Sweden to date. Its gross makes it the third-highest grossing Swedish film of all time behind The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo/Män Som Hatar Kvinnor (2009) and The Girl Who Played with Fire/Flickan Som Lekte med Elden (2009). A sequel of The Hundred-Year-Old is in the mold for release in 2016.]

What do you think of The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared?

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012) - Middle-of-the-road ahistorical nonsense

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+ Stupidest Movie of the Year

A dark, blue-tinted poster for Timur Bekmambetov's Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Lincoln leaves in his wake a journal over his secret profession as a vampire hunter from young man and ahead, as the nation gets threatened by the vampires of the South.
Hunter is based on a so-called mashup novel with the same title by Seth Grahame-Smith, who also co-wrote the screenplay.
The story is historically insulting. - 'Barack Obama: Vampire Hunter' would obviously be wrong, so how can it be that national hero Lincoln is alright? (I guess time makes everything fair game to some.)
The basically (for me) unacceptable idea doesn't get any wings to fly with in the actual film; a mediocre cast, - highlights Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Die Hard 4.0 (2007)), Anthony Mackie (Pain & Gain (2013)) and Dominic Cooper (Fleming (2013), TV), - in a mediocre production. Nothing lights up Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter; there's no fun, no sense of any intelligence behind it. The only thing this action/horror/romance has going for it is its technically fair execution.
Director Timur Bekmambetov (Night Watch (2004)), a Kazakhstani action filmmaker, is now rumored to direct a remake of Ben-Hur (2016), which seems like an absolutely terrible idea.

Related posts:

2012 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED V]
2012 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED IV]
2012 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED III]
2012 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED II]

Watch the ludicrous movie's trailer here

Budget: 69 mil. $
Box office: 116.4 mil. $
= Unspectacular

What do you think of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?
And what do you think of letting its director tinker with Ben-Hur?

The Birth of a Nation/The Clansman (1915) - Griffith's unlovable work of epic cinema-historical proportions

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An original poster for D. W. Griffith's cinematic classic The Birth of a Nation showing the controversial hero of the film, the Ku Klux Clansman

QUICK REVIEW:

From the the Civil War between the Northern and Southern states in the US, which we experience from both sides, culminating in a grand battle where both the Northern and the Southern 'chum' are shot dead, side by side, the story of Birth evolves as a phony history lesson that gets more and more feeble. The story of the slain South's forcibly imposed Negro regime and the growth of the heroic resistance (the Ku Klux Klan) is deeply odd today to say the least. It was also controversial at the time of the film's release, and the racist reading of Birth made its legendary director D. W. Griffith make his next film on its basis, Intolerance: Love's Struggle Throughout the Ages (1916), eager to show that he was no racist .
To a large degree, though, I find that it is Griffith's discourse that is at fault in Birth, and that the film never becomes a directly awful propaganda for racism. However, these particulars may be said to be irrelevant, as the KKK actually used Birth as a tool in their recruitment of new members for decades, from their refoundation in the 1920s and way into the 70s. So it is not a 'clean' picture, far from politically correct and most scholars of cinema will tell you that it is cinematically important without condoning of its content, (for obvious, good reasons.)
Birth features lots of action and fun episodes, but also incredibly overlong war scenes, and it is a hard film to relate to today.
Griffith introduced numerous new devices to the art of cinema storytelling with Birth and many other of his films, and the film is also noteworthy for its phenomenal commercial success, which wasn't surpassed until Victor Fleming's Gone With the Wind (1939).
Birth of a Nation is in the public domain today and can be watched or downloaded free and legal (although in undoubtedly shabby quality) here.

Watch a trailer for the epic film here

Budget: 0.1 mil. $
Box office: 50 mil. $ (from 1915-1950)
= Enormous success

What are your thoughts on Birth of a Nation (only if you have actually sat down and watched it)?
And on other Griffith-films, if you have seen any?

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002) or, Old Elvis & Black JFK vs. Souleating Mummy!

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The weirdly attractive poster for Don Coscarelli's Bubba Ho-Tep

QUICK REVIEW:

Elvis is alive! - In a retirement home with cancer in his prick, alone. In the home we also find JFK, who claims to have been colored black and had a sand bag operated into his brain. Now a Southern mummy, who sucks the souls out of the old people's assholes, threatens!
One of the weirdest and most bizarre, American stories (based on a novella by Joe R. Lansdale) here comes to life with a fiery Bruce Campbell (The Evil Dead (1981)) and a just as enthusiastic, 86 year-old Ossie Davis (Do the Right Thing (1989)) by his side. The inordinate lines and consciously ridiculous situations go along with a cool mummy by Howard Berger (Day of the Dead (1985)) and crew, atmospheric-sentimental music by Brian Tyler (Eagle Eye (2008)) and true independent DIY-spirit.
At times the story is only gruff and miserable, and the visual part of Bubba Ho-Tep only has few values; the beginning is for instance flooded by some awful flash-sequences.
The movie is directed by Don Coscarelli, maker of the four Phantasm films (1979-98) and most recently the psych-out John Dies at the End (2012).
Ho-Tep achieved cult-status and much positive notice, and a joke post-script in the movie announcing a sequel thus became a real project. Coscarelli penned a script for Bubba Nosferatu: Curse of the She-Vampires long ago, and Campbell left the project over creative differences. Paul Giamatti is now attached, and possibly Ron Perlman as Elvis. But the backing for the film isn't secured yet.

Related review:

Bruce Campbell: Army of Darkness (1992) or, Medieval Death

Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis as Elvis and JFK in Don Coscarelli's Bubba Ho-Tep

Watch the trailer for the weird treat that is Bubba Ho-Tep right here

Budget: 1 mil. $
Box office: 1.2 mil. $
= Unspectacular

How do you like Bubba Ho-Tep?
Would you like to see sequels in which Elvis battles she-vampires, aliens ... ?

Blackadder Goes Forth - season 4 (1989) - A low-point WWI-trenches adieu

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From the left: Tim McInnerny, Rowan Atkinson, Stephen Fry, Tony Robinson and Hugh Laurie in costume for BBC's Blackadder season 4

QUICK REVIEW:

Despite its gathering of all the Blackadder regular actors for the first time in the same season; Rowan Atkinson, Miranda Richardson, Hugh Laurie, Tim McInnerny, Stephen Fry and Tony Robinson, - this is the laxest season in the (a)historical sitcom's four runs.
Metal fatigue and endless repetitions in the argument-routine have now become staples in Blackadder, which has recommenced in a WWI-trench in Goes Forth.
The style is unchanged; vulgar and yet sophisticated British satire, and the show still has quite a few laughs to its credit, e.g. in episode 2, Corporal Punishment, wherein George (Laurie) defends Blackadder in a capital punishment trial. In episode 4, Private Plane, an actual flight scene is included, along with funny Rik Mayall (Guest House Paradiso (1999)) as the womanizer Lord Flash-heart.
In the sixth and last episode, Goodbyeee, SPOILER everyone perishes in a rain of bullets, rather befitting the show.
This fourth season has reminisces of the American war-sitcom M*A*S*H* (1972-83), but the problem here is that Atkinson, - the title character and jet engine of the comedy, - walks in circles here and isn't terribly enthusiastic or energetic, unfortunately.

Related reviews:

Blackadder the Third - season 3 (1987) - The royal silliness reaches its peak in fun and wits
Black-Adder II (1986) season 2 - More historic, English tomfooleries from BBC
The Black Adder - season 1 (1983) - Historic fooleries with Rowan Atkinson and co.
Rowan Atkinson: Bean/Bean: The Ultimate Disaster Movie/Bean: The Movie (1997) or, A Bean in America

Rowan Atkinson may look amusing here, but his level is not up to snuff overall in Blackadder Goes Forth

This is a recently made mock-trailer that presents the fourth season as a 'poignant war epic' and does so pretty well

Do you agree that the fourth season is the series' weakest?
Why/why not?

Blackadder the Third - season 3 (1987) - The royal sillines reaches its peak in fun and wits

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Rowan Atkinson, once again, as Blackadder

QUICK REVIEW:

At this the third season in the historical, - although hoax-historical as well, - BBC sitcom, we have moved forward to 1760, where, once again, another Blackadder descendant, Edmund, is serving a British ruler; the uncannily inane prince of Wales, who is played to hysterical amusement by the then very facially vivacious Hugh Laurie (House M.D. (2004-12)).
Besides him and Blackadder, who is again played by the masterful Rowan Atkinson (Bean (1997)), season 3 only has two other regular characters; butler Edmund's helper Baldrick (Tony Robinson (Big Top (2009)) also does splendidly) and Mrs. Miggins, a coffee-shopkeeper.
It does the show well that it has rid itself of the unfunny ladies of the second season. The episodes also seem less vulgar and with greater focus on the lingual ingenuities, which sometimes threaten to totally run away with the show, but the fun during these creativities is constant.
The plots often drone over monetary problems and the incompetence of Baldrick and the prince of Wales. In Ink and Incapability, (all the titles are concocted as amusing word-plays that comment on the plots), Edmund is forced to try to write a dictionary. In the season's last episode, Duel and Duality, both Frenchmen, actors and Scots (again) are duly ridiculed, as Atkinson plays a double-role as Blackadder's cousin McAdder from the highlands. - Magnificent!
SPOILER At the very end, the prince dies in a duel, and Edmund dabbles himself to the much-coveted title.
This is the most down-toned and best season in the series.

Related reviews:

Rowan Atkinson: Bean/Bean: The Ultimate Disaster Movie/Bean: The Movie (1997) or, A Bean in America
Black-Adder II (1986) season 2 - More historic, English tomfooleries from BBC
The Black Adder - season 1 (1983) - Historic fooleries with Rowan Atkinson and co.

Watch a funny, 3-minute sample from the 3rd series here

Do you agree that this is the best season of Blackadder?
Any other British sitcoms that are a barrel of laugh?