Hell Ride (2008) - Cinematic biker cow manure

[ZERO]

 

+ 2nd Worst Movie of the Year

 

A crowded, comic-book style, pulpy, warm-colored poster for Larry Bishop's Hell Ride

Two motorcycle gangs, an ugly 1970s history between them, unrestrained Neanderthal-level testosterone, bikes and gazongas.

 

Hell Ride is written, co-produced and directed by Larry Bishop (Mad Dog Time (1996)), who also co-stars in it as Johnny 'Pistolero' of the Victors M.C. gang.

There's nothing here to redeem this hellish bike ride, which is dreadful within the first 5 to 10 minutes. It leaps helplessly in time with ugly presentations of its mannered, empty vessel 'characters'. Meaningless violence and no noticeable story wears on one's patience. Instead Hell Ride is like a distillation of all the crappy elements of the bygone motorcycle subgenre, which it attempts to be an homage to.

Regrettably Hell Ride is talentless to the bone; an ugly, smelly coat with no hanger or shape, and a peripheral blemish on the image of executive producer Quentin Tarantino (Jackie Brown (1997)), who was instrumental in getting it made.

 

Related post:

 

2008 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED III] 

 

Watch a 3-minute video from the film's Sundance premiere here

 

Cost: Unknown

Box office: 390k $

= Uncertain, but probably a mega-flop (projected return of 0.26 times its cost)

[Hell Ride premiered 21 January (Sundance Film Festival) and runs 83 minutes. Shooting took place around April 2007 in California, including in Los Angeles. The film opened #35 to a 100k $ first weekend in 82 theaters in North America, where it declined from there, grossing 213k $ (54.6 % of the total gross). The only other recorded gross comes from Japan (176k $ (45.1 % of the total gross)); but the film was also released in South Korea and Slovenia. The-numbers.com assert that the film also made 2 mil. $ on North-American video sales. If made on a likely 1.5 mil. $ budget, the film would rank as a mega-flop with a return of 0.26 times its cost. Roger Ebert gave the film a 1/4 star review, translating to a notch over this one. Bishop hasn't directed since; he has racked up 3 dubious acting credits however; the first one in Forgotten Pills (2010). Hell Ride is rotten at 10 % with a 3.50/10 critical average at Rotten Tomatoes.]

What do you think of Hell Ride?

Death Race 2000 (1975) - AIP's dystopic car smash

♥♥♥♥

The totally awesome poster for Paul Bartel's Death Race 2000

QUICK REVIEW:

In the year 2000, the US has become a semi-Nazi police state, where the greatest sports heroes are called Frankenstein and Machine Gun Joe, who compete at who can kill the most people in the Death Race.

Death Race 2000 is written by Robert Thoms (Crazy Mama (1975)) and Charles B. Griffiths (The Wild Angels (1966)), who wrote the finished shooting script. It is based on the short story The Racer by the recently passed Ib Melchior (The Angry Red Planet (1959)). It boasts an original idea for a car sci-fi action movie, which is well-executed here by director Paul Bartel (Carquake (1976)).
Producer Roger Corman (The Terror Within (1989)) is in his element behind this kind of film, and David Carradine (Kung Fu (1972)) is perfect in the role as the killing machine Frankenstein, while his soon-to-be superstar co-actor Sylvester Stallone (Stop! Or Mom Will Shoot (1992)) mostly just yells ugly things.
The effects are fun, and the film is morally indefensible as entertainment for its core audience, young people, which is the case for most of the edgy 70s exploitation flicks. Death Race 2000 rocks!

Cost: 0.3-0.53 mil. $
Box office: 5-8 mil. $
= Huge hit
[The shoot had been plagued by script problems, bad weather, a stressed-out star (Carradine) and big time restraints due to the low budget. Death Race 2000 became one of Corman's American International Pictures' biggest successes.  They made a comic book series based on it in the 90s, and it was remade in 2008, (a much inferior film.) Carradine was paid 10 % of the gross, which AIP only did with him and Ron Howard. Roger Ebert changed his opinion about the film, from his original zero-star review, to later calling it part of "a great tradition of summer drive-in movies". The film is fresh at 85 % on Rotten Tomatoes.]

What do you think of Death Race 2000?