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John Carter (2012) - Bloated Mars-nonsense yawner



+ 3rd Worst Movie of the Year
+ Most Expensive Flop of the Year

Huge Mars-monsters trying to sell Andrew Stanton's John Carter


John Carter starts well:
From the mythic West, with bravado-filmed landscapes, Mr. Carter, who really doesn't want to fight Apache Indians (!), is thrown very mystically to Mars, where another, mythic narrative begins ...
- No, unfortunately it does not.

Taylor Kitsch looking at ... no-one knows. In Andrew Stanton's John Carter

Instead on Mars, a silly mash-up of Star Wars, Planet of the Apes and Transformers awaits, with overly powdered 'stars': Taylor Kitsch (Lone Survivor (2013)) and Lynn Collins (The Number 23 (2007)), who plays even less charmingly than he. And the plot is as bad; it seems like a film cut out of a target group template made to forcibly include everyone, but it instead comes out tiring, incredibly boring and about as dumb as corrugated cardboard.
Mark Strong (Zero Dark Thirty (2012)) and Dominic West (The Wire (2002-08)) play deadly boring, weirdly costumed, henna-tattooed villains. The good planet in Carter is idiotically named Helium, and the film wallows in violence, but has no sex and is supposed to be family entertainment, but is so boring it is more likely family punishment.
After the first hour, the most likable character in John Carter is the monster CGI-dog seen below, and so continues the over-long, romantic western/sci-fi action adventure:


The most likable character of Andrew Stanton's John Carter
Carter is an adaptation project that had lived in Hollywood for decades with different studios and talent involved, before it was finally made into Andrew Stanton's (Finding Nemo (2003)) debacle of a movie, his first live-action feature.
The then head of Disney, Rich Ross resigned following the movie which lost a great deal more than 100 mil. $, thus making it spectacular in one, definite way: As a flop.
Stanton is getting back to his (much more successful) roots with his next movie, the much anticipated sequel Finding Dory (2016).

Related posts:

2012 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED V]
2012 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED IV]
2012 in films and TV-series - according to Film Excess [UPDATED III]
2012 in films - according to Film Excess 


Watch the terrible trailer for John Carter here

Budget: 250 mil. $ (+ 100 mil. $ in marketing)
Box office: 284.1 mil. $
= Big flop

What do you think of John Carter?

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